Wisdom For Talking About People (October 10th, 2021)

Introduction: We have more access to information and knowledge than ever before, but we are still so confused, conflicted, and divided. What must we do? The book of Proverbs teaches us that wisdom is the missing piece of the puzzle, the lost treasure of our time. We must rediscover it, ourselves and as a church, if we are to stand firm in a world drowning in information but lacking in wisdom. This Fall, let’s come together to “get wisdom” and allow it to reorient our lives, our families, and our communities. 

I. How We Talk to People

According to Proverbs, the one area of life that reveals our wisdom or our folly more than any other is our relationships with people. Proverbs has much to say about relationships, especially how we should use our words. Proverbs give us wisdom for how we talk to people and for how we talk about people when they are not around. Our words about people can be destructive and toxic if we are not careful. This is especially true in our current cultural climate. Proverbs offers four key aspects of God’s wisdom for talking about people:

What is at Stake?

• Prov 22:1 - “A good name is to be chosen over great wealth; favor is better than silver and gold.”

We must first consider what is at stake anytime we talk about another person. Consider your name. Your name is your reputation, a part of you that exists in other peoples’ minds. What is your name worth to you? This proverb teaches us that a good name is more valuable than money. That is why many of us go to great lengths to honor our words, commitments, and core beliefs. But Proverbs also teaches us that we don’t have all the power regarding our names. Other people can uphold or discredit your name, and you have that power when you speak about others. Every time you take someone’s name on your lips, you are holding up something precious to another person. The stakes are very high. 

When it Does Great Damage

• Prov 11:9 - “With his mouth the ungodly destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous are rescued.”

The next piece of wisdom we consider in Proverbs is knowing how talking about people can cause great damage. Even if we don’t realize it, we can shatter people’s names by using our mouths. How can that be? It when are talking about other people is gossip, slander, or bearing false witness. Let’s consider each one in turn. 

Gossip:

• Prov 11:13 - “A gossip goes around revealing a secret, but a trustworthy person keeps a confidence.”

• Prov 20:19 - “The one who reveals secrets is a constant gossip; avoid someone with a big mouth.”

• Prov 16:28 - “A contrary person spreads conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.”

• Prov 26:20 - “Without wood, fire goes out; without a gossip, conflict dies down.”

In broad terms, gossip is speaking about someone in a negative light to another person. One scholar defines it as “speaking to third parties about a person with the intention of harm, not help.” As we see in 11:13 and 20:19, gossip shares something secret that should be kept in confidence. The point in 16:28 and 26:20 is that gossip can spread like a fire and cause great harm. Collectively, these proverbs show that gossip betrays trust, spreads conflict, and separates friends. 

Slander:

• Prov 10:18 - “The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool.”

Slander is speaking untruthfully of someone else with harmful intent. This includes half-truths, innuendos, or exaggerations. When we speak in this way, we are concealing something within us related to anger or hatred. As we can see, when we don’t speak to someone about our hurt feeling directly, it often comes out in “lying” about them to others – damaging their name. 

False Witness:

• Prov 25:17 - “Whoever speaks the truth declares what is right, but a false witness speaks deceit.”

• Prov 17:4 - “A wicked person listens to malicious talk; a liar pays attention to a destructive tongue.”

Both gossip and slander can be forms of bearing false witness because it is very difficult to give an accurate picture of someone else. There is an important place for speaking a hard truth about others, but never a place to present a false picture of someone else deliberately. Speaking this way violates the 9th commandment and our love for our neighbor. Not only can speaking this way damage people but listening to it can do just as much damage. The choice to listen is condemned alongside speaking falsely. It is like watching a fire spread and doing nothing about it.

Why do we do it? The answer might be unsettling, but we do it because it makes us feel better about ourselves. In fact, Proverbs compares it to something we all love.

• Prov 18:8 and 26:22 - “A gossip’s words are like choice food that goes down to one’s innermost being.”

Not only does it taste good, but gossip can go deeper than we might think. This is a clear warning that it will not be easy to reverse course once we partake in a little gossip, slander, or false witness. One gossip “gets in” it can permanently shape the way we see another person for the worse. 

3. When it Does Great Good

Indeed speaking about others can deeply wound us and those we talk about, but we can also speak in a way that spreads love, justice, and blessing. Whenever we speak, we have the potential to uplift others and change the world for the better.

• Prov 31:8-9 - “Speak up for those who have no voice, for the justice of all who are dispossessed. Speak up, judge righteously, and defend the cause of the oppressed and needy.”

• Prov 11:11 - “A city is built up by the blessing of the upright, but it is torn down by the mouth of the wicked.”

These proverbs connect the concept of speaking about others to righteousness and building community. In speaking about others, we can further the cause of justice or truly help someone in need. The concept of blessing in view here is a spoken blessing. A spoken blessing can build up an entire community where gossip, slander, or false witness would destroy it. 

4. What it Reveals About Us

• Prov 11:12 - “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.”

This proverb helps us get to the root of the problem in talking about others. In this proverb, “lack sense” literally means “lacks heart,” so we could say that someone who gossips, slanders, or bears false witness about someone else has a heart problem. It should alarm us because a true Christian should never lack a heart for others names. This is why James is so vociferous about taming the tongue. “With the tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in God’s likeness. Blessing and cursing come out of the same mouth. My brothers and sisters, these things should not be this way. Does a spring pour out sweet and bitter water from the same opening? (Jas 3:9-11). Our words reveal what is inside our hearts, and what it reveals is that we want to build ourselves up at the expense of others. 

II. How Jesus Talks About Us

What has been revealed about us cannot be overcome by sheer willpower. We need something much stronger. Only the gospel has the power to change what is inside of us so that we no longer need what gossip gives us. Christianity does not deny that there is something worthy of cursing and judgment in every person. It doesn’t give us a self-help narrative that tells us there’s nothing bad to say about us. No – we are told the hard truth. Our sin and selfishness is called out for what it is. Yet we are told at the same time - Jesus knows everything about your name worthy of cursing and he chose to take it all upon his own name for you. 

We might forget that others gossiped, slandered, and lied about Jesus during his entire earthly ministry. He was called insane, demonic, the devil himself, and a liar. He was even slandered as he was being crucified. They lied about him to kill him. Why? Jesus allowed his own name to be defiled to clear our own names. Despite our unworthiness, we are greatly loved, valued, and approved by him forever. Think about what Jesus is doing right now? He is talking about you, not with words of shame or derision or judgment or criticism, but with words of love, blessing, honor and approval. This present ministry of Jesus is called intercession. It means Jesus is speaking for us, He forever lives and pleads for you as your constant advocate in heaven.  

If you truly understand how Jesus talks about you, you’d never want to gossip or slander ever again. This means on the internet too. How we talk about people sets patterns in our lives, relationships, and communities. When we speak about others, we should always aim to present them as clearly as if they were present. Amid the never-ending culture wars, the work of Christ invites us into a new competition: We should outdo one another in showing honor (Rom 12:10). 

Reflect or Discuss

1. What about this sermon most impacted you or left you with questions?

2. Why do we value our names so much? How do you want others to treat your name, and what does that say about you? What would it mean for you to treat someone’s name like a rare and valuable artifact that you would never want to drop? 

3. How can we tell if we are prone to gossip? Why do you think we so enjoy speaking and listening to gossip about other people? 

4. Do you agree that there we have a serious cultural problem with slander and bearing false witness (ie speaking about them in anything less than wholly truthful)? What do we get from talking about other people like this. 

5. Review the Proverbs under “When It Does Great Good”. Have you seen these Proverbs play out in your life? How so? 

6. Read James 3:6-12. What is James’ saying about what our words reveal about us? 

7. It was said, “When we understand and believe the gospel, we no longer need what gossip gives us”. What does this look like when we are tempted to soothe our insecurity by gossip or slander? 

8. What does it mean that Jesus is currently interceding for you? If Jesus is our Advocate (1 John 2:1-2), what does the mean about how he is talking about us? Based on Scripture, what might he be saying about you? 

9. What does Paul mean by “outdoing one another” with honor? How does this counteract our tendency to dishonor others with whom we disagree?

How might this set of reflection questions help prevent us from doing damage to others by how we talk about them:

• Would we say this about someone if that person were here? 

• Does sharing this particular point help me love the person I am speaking about more? 

• Do I have enough knowledge of the situation to present an accurate picture? 

• Is this something I would want to be said about me?

Click here for the full pdf version.

Click here to watch the sermon on YouTube.

Wisdom for Talking to People (October 3rd, 2021)

Introduction: We have more access to information and knowledge than ever before, but we are still so confused, conflicted, and divided. What must we do? The book of Proverbs teaches us that wisdom is the missing piece of the puzzle, the lost treasure of our time. We must rediscover it, ourselves and as a church, if we are to stand firm in a world drowning in information but lacking in wisdom. 

The Importance of Words | Of all the ways the book of Proverbs instructs us in wisdom, the use of words is one of the most frequent topics. This makes sense if you think about how often we use words. Words are a part of almost everything we do! We use words to connect with others, convey meaning, and bring our ideas into reality. Our words impact the closeness of our relationships and the quality of our work. This is all a part of how we image God. For God created all things by His Word and relates to us through His Word. This is why Proverbs teaches that how we use our words is one of the most important pieces of wisdom we can get.

I. How We Talk to People

1. The Power of Our Words 

• Prov 18:21 - “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

The first mark of wisdom in our words is to recognize the weight they carry. On the one hand, words can spark violence, inflame anger, or lead to great injustice. This Proverb speaks not only of physical death but of relational death. The deadly tongue destroys community and its owner. On the other hand, words can resolve conflict, bring peace, and restore life. The life-giving tongue creates community and blesses its owner. One thing is for sure - you will eat the fruit of your tongue. 

• Prov 20:15 - “There is gold and a multitude of jewels, but knowledgeable lips are a rare treasure.”

If you were to find a rare treasure, you would become very powerful. People would suddenly desire to listen to you and get to know you. But this Proverb shows that there is a rare treasure already within our reach. That treasure is possessing “knowledgeable lips” ie knowing how to talk to people. This means as much as we pursue education and career, we should pursue the wisdom of how to talk to people with even more vigor and determination. 

This message is not reserved for therapists, counselors, or pastors but for every Christian. How are you using the power of your tongue? The book of James has a challenging warning for us. “If anyone thinks he is religious without controlling his tongue, his religion is useless and he deceives himself” (Jas 1:26). It is clear here that if one cannot control their tongue, then we can ask whether the same tongue has truly confessed Jesus as Lord. Understanding and rightly using the power of our words is at the very heart of what it means to be a Christian. 

2. The Peril of Our Words

The truth is just a few untimely words have the power to destroy your reputation, your career, and even your closest relationships. Wisdom understands the peril of talking to people and thus treats words with great care and caution. Let’s consider some proverbs. 

• Prov 10:19 - “When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but the one who controls his lips is prudent.”

• Prov 10:21 - “ The lips of the righteous feed many, but fools die for lack of sense.”

• Prov 13:3 - “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”

These proverbs taken together teach that sin, ruin, and death can come from the words we speak. First, notice the connection between “many words” and “sin.” Sin is already unavoidable, but the harmful impact of words can multiply if we lose control. Second, notice that to speak without care can lead to ruin. This is the fate of the fool who lacks “sense.” In contemporary culture, we have come to a place where anyone can speak their mind, and many think it is entirely acceptable to do so without any concern for others. Proverbs says this type of behavior will lead individuals and communities to ruin. As Christians, we are to take great care in the words we speak and the words we post (even those in the comments sections!). 

• Prov 12:18 - “There is one who speaks rashly, like a piercing sword; but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Proverbs gives us a key insight as to why the way we speak carries so much peril. Words can pierce us like a sword. Words get inside of us. They have the power to puncture us to the core and leave an indelible mark on the soul. For many of us, we could share words that have left us scarred inside. We can be trapped today by words spoken years ago, constantly striving to prove them wrong. Words left unspoken can do just as much damage. How many people in our world are in despair because someone near to them did not say, “I love you.”? The peril of our words is great.

3. The Potential of Our Words
Indeed, words can pierce us and break our spirit, but they can also dig deep and sprout life and healing. We should be encouraged that whenever we speak to people, there is great potential for true goodness. Let’s consider some proverbs.

• Prov 15:4 - “The tongue that heals is a tree of life, but a devious tongue breaks the spirit.”

Only three books in the entire Bible mention the “tree of life.” The first reference is in Genesis as the symbol of life as God intended. Another reference is in Revelation, where we see it in the new creation restoring life to the redeemed. The book of Proverbs says between these two realities the tree of life can be found in our very words. We can give other people a taste of the blessing, life and goodness God created us to know simply by how we talk to them! Here are a few examples that drive this home:

• Prov 16:24 - “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

• Prov 10:11 - “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.”

• Prov 12:25 - “Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs it down, but a good word cheers it up.”

These proverbs show that just a few encouraging words can reach into a person and bring healing to the soul. Words are one of the most powerful forces of good, and we all have access to it. Perhaps you remember a warm compliment or an encouragement from someone that made your day. Isn’t it sweet, like a honeycomb? Could it not be enjoyed over and over like a fountain of life? Words can even travel into the depths of anxiety and despair to rescue weary souls. Of course, it is not a magical cure for all anxiety, but it can get inside a person and lift the burden. Because of the amazing potential for good that can come through our words, the follower of Jesus must be committed to learning this wisdom. 

II. How God Talks to Us

• Prov 16:23 - “The heart of a wise person instructs his mouth; it adds learning to his speech.”

• Prov 10:20 - “The tongue of the righteous is pure silver; the heart of the wicked is of little value.”

From where do our words come? Sometimes we wonder that about our own words when we speak rashly or out of context. These proverbs reveal that our words come from our hearts. In the Bible, the heart is the core of our being. It is where thinking, feeling, and choosing all converge. If you have problems with harsh words, there likely are wounds that feel just as harsh in your heart. If you struggle to speak encouragement and blessing, there is likely discouragement residing in your heart. If you are hasty with your words, you almost surely have anxiety filling your heart. 

Jesus was probably thinking about the Proverbs when he said, “A good person produces good out of the good stored up in his heart. An evil person produces evil out of the evil stored up in his heart, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.” (Lk 6:45). The heart is like a storehouse. The Bible teaches that we cannot fill our storehouse with life-giving words in ourselves. It must be filled from outside of us. Imagine if the greatest person in any defining role you have in life came up to you and shared with you how amazing you are at that particular role. Wouldn’t you feel great? It would stick with you and push out of your mind anything to the contrary.  

The one thing that has the power to fill up the storeroom of our hearts and push out everything else is how God talks to us. The greatest, most glorious, wise, and all-knowing being in the universe speaks into our very soul through his son Jesus Christ. And what does He say? Oh, Christian, God speaks not of condemnation to you but of everlasting love and acceptance. He tells you that, in Christ, your life matters and that you are His beloved son or daughter born not of flesh and blood but by His gracious will. Jesus tells you that your life matters so much to him, He was willing to give up his life for yours. Will you let that sink into your heart today? Let this truth fill your heart and allow you to speak wisdom and life to those around you.

Reflect or Discuss

1. What about this sermon most impacted you or left you with questions?

2. Do you have an example from your own life of the “life and death” power of words? Why are words so powerful (ie why is that  words get your fired, break a relationship, incite violence) 

3. How would you describe your current approach to learning the wisdom of how to talk to people? 

4. How James’ teaching on the power of the tongue (James 1:26) strike you? Where do you feel you have rein over your tongue? Where does your tongue have rein over you?

5. What words spoken to you have gotten inside you? How do these words impact you and your relationships today?

6. Can you think of a specific encouraging word that uplifted you? Who was it that shared these words with you? How did it impact your circumstances?

7. Out of all the proverbs in this lesson, which one resonates with you the most and why?

8. How do our words reveal our what’s in the “storeroom” of our hearts? How do our words reveal what our hearts most treasure (another way to translation “storeroom”)? What do your words reveal about what is filling up your storeroom?

Here’s another way to think about this – Jesus is saying our words reveal our hearts treasure. If we treasure money, we will speak words of flattery or deceit to get it. If we treasure approval, we will speak kind but not always honest words to get it. If we treasure success, we will speak respectfully to those who can give it to us and down to those who are in our way. If we treasure control, we’ll speak words to manipulate and control others. If we treasure Jesus, we’ll speak so that we can “get more of Him” by others getting more of Him into their lives. How does this help you diagnose your own struggles with words? 

1. If you had one sentence to describe what God is saying to us in Jesus Christ – what would it be? What would it look like if this filled your heart more than any other words?

BONUS REFLECTION | Learning to Bless with Our Words

Prov 10:32 - “The lips of the righteous know what is appropriate, but the mouth of the wicked, only what is perverse.”

This proverb calls attention to what we say. The wise person pays attention to the setting and the person involved to determine what is appropriate. This will depend on the person, but in any situation, it will likely take some time to step back learn about them before knowing what to say.

• Prov 15:23 - “A person takes joy in giving an answer; and a timely word—how good that is!”

• Prov 18:13 - “The one who gives an answer before he listens—this is foolishness and disgrace for him.”

These proverbs point beyond what we say to when we should say it. There is nothing more precious than the right word at just the right time. It can change someone’s entire life. By contrast, if you are just waiting for someone to finish speaking so you can speak, then you might be trying to answer before listening. The proverbs equate this attitude with foolishness. 

• Prov 15:1 - “A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.”

This proverb brings us beyond the words we use to how we say them. It might be shocking to think that the exact words spoken with a different expression could be the difference between encouragement and division. Yet, we all know this is true for us if we consider the sarcasm of a family member or friend. The wise person considers how to speak into someone’s life just as much as what to say. When in doubt, consider the fruit of gentleness. 

Many Proverbs also point us to consider why we say them. Larry Crabb, in his book Encouragement, offers this insight on the “why” behind our words. “Never speak hard words to someone unless your love for that person has formed a vision for who that person could become, a vision that generates tender feelings for the other. And never speak hard words if you discern that you are demanding a change in another for your sake.”

REFLECTION

• Which of these do you feel like you most need to learn?

• Why do you think it’s hard for you to do this? 

• How can you practice learning this aspect of how to talk to people this week?

Click here for the full pdf version.

Click here to watch the sermon on YouTube.

Wisdom for Repairing Relationships (September 26, 2021)

Introduction: We have more access to information and knowledge than ever before, but we are more confused, conflicted, and divided than ever. What should we do? The book of Proverbs teaches us that wisdom is the missing piece of the puzzle, the lost treasure of our time. We must rediscover it, ourselves and as a church, if we are to stand firm in a world drowning in information but lacking in wisdom. This Fall, let’s come together to “get wisdom” and allow it to reorient our lives, our families, and our communities. 

A Helpful Analogy | Relationships are like a house. We all know that every house requires regular maintenance and occasionally larger repairs. We might need to fix a lightbulb or a leaky faucet. Other times we may have to fix the plumbing, electricity, or (God forbid) the entire foundation! Similar to a house, relationships can require maintenance or repairs that range from simple to complex. If we ventured to explore our relationships, we are bound to find some in need of attention. Some might even require a renovation. Lest we become overwhelmed by taking these projects upon ourselves, we remember that God graciously gives wisdom to those who ask Him. There is hope for us because God gives us wisdom in the Proverbs for maintenance and repair in all kinds of relationships. 

1. Get God’s Perspective on Conflict

Before we delve into any of our relationships, we need to begin with God’s perspective on conflict in the book of Proverbs. We can summarize it like this: conflict is inevitable. It can be potentially destructive or powerfully constructive. It can break relationships and do great harm, or it can build stronger relationships and build maturity in us. Wisdom makes all the difference. Let’s dig into some Proverbs.

• Proverbs 20:3 - “Honor belongs to the person who ends a dispute, but any fool can get himself into a quarrel.”

Anyone can get into a conflict, but not everyone can end a conflict well. This proverb shows us that a person with the wisdom to end a conflict well deserves honor. It is tempting to think that we will protect our honor by winning the conflict, but wisdom is learning that there is more honor to resolving a conflict, even at our expense. 

• Proverbs 17:14 - “To start a conflict is to release a flood; stop the dispute before it breaks out.”

We all know that conflict is potentially destructive, but the image of a flood in this proverb drives home the gravity of the destruction. Not only can a flood destroy everything in its path, but once it starts, it cannot be controlled. We would do well to fix the leak before it becomes a flood!

• Proverbs 16:7 - “When a person’s ways please the LORD, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.”

Conflict can also be powerfully constructive. The person who walks in God’s wisdom can bring about peace in the midst of a conflict. Not only is peace is beneficial to the people involved in a conflict, but entire communities. The effect is to multiply one person whose ways please the Lord into many people who please the Lord.

If we look around in our world we might notice that so much of our discourse is designed to make enemies. We make other people into our enemies and then we try to convince others to intensify the conflict. However, in the Proverbs we can see that conflict is an opportunity to glorify God, serve people, and grow in wisdom. This is God’s perspective.

2. What Not to Conceal

Don’t conceal your part in the conflict.

• Prov 15:31 - “One who listens to life-giving rebukes will be at home among the wise.”

• Prov 28:13 - “The one who conceals his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them will find mercy.”

• Prov 29:1 - “He who is often reproved, yet stiffens his neck, will suddenly be broken beyond healing.”

These proverbs reveal a clear link between wisdom and openness to correction. Of course, we do not relish the opportunity to be corrected or rebuked, but the wise person can listen well and receive another’s words, even if they reveal our sins. The first step of relationship repair is not concealing our sins. The most common temptation in a conflict is to hide our part in the conflict. Sometimes even when we know we are wrong, we attempt to magnify the blame of the other person. This behavior will destroy our relationships and our own character if we do not confess and seek mercy. 

Don’t conceal when we feel wronged/hurt by another person.

• Prov 10:18 - “The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool.”

• Prov 24:26 - “He who gives an honest answer gives a kiss on the lips.”

• Prov 15:1 - “A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.”

These proverbs reveal that our honesty is compromised if we choose to hide when someone has truly wronged us. When we feel this way, it impacts the relationship and can be unloving to let it slide. Sometimes, to confront another knowing that it could wound is to display love. When we are honest, it allows the other person to express clarity and possibly confession, which is an opportunity for their growth. But honesty goes hand in hand with gentleness. It isn’t just about what we say, but how we say it. 

3. What to Conceal

Conceal when you are not invested in the repair.

• Prov 26:17 - “A person who is passing by and meddles in a quarrel that’s not his is like one who grabs a dog by the ears.”

One of the realities of the information age is that we are exposed to a lot of quarrels. Could you even count how many you see on news sites, social media comment sections, or personal posts? It is wise not to jump at the bit to get involved in every conflict, even if it is about something dear to us. Grabbing a dog by the ears would certainly lead to getting bitten. We are wise not to jump into a conflict without being sincerely invested in the peace of those affected by it. Ask yourself if you are responding to bring repair before you press enter.

Conceal when the offense can be patiently overlooked.

• Prov 19:11 - “A person’s insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense.”

• Prov 17:9 - “Whoever conceals an offense promotes love, but whoever gossips about it separates friends.”

It is wise to reveal when we have been truly hurt in a conflict, but that does not mean addressing every offense against us. Wisdom knows when to overlook an offense that might not contribute to the repairing of a relationship. This involves not disclosing excessive details to others who are not invested in the relationship. Handling a conflict wisely means bringing people into the conflict who can help repair it. 

4. How to Cover

Until now, Proverbs has revealed what seems like a very difficult path for the wise person. We are called to confess and not conceal our sins. We must confront others with the utmost honesty and gentleness. Sometimes that means overlooking when we have been wronged. How can this be possible?

• Prov 10:12 - “Hatred stirs up conflicts, but love covers all offenses.”

It is only when we stop stirring up the conflict that we can perceive the next part. Conflicts are only truly repaired when offenses are covered. One commentator compares it to putting a wet blanket on a fire. So “cover” means to put out completely. The same Hebrew word is used in Psalm 32:1 - “Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.” When God sees us, he does not see our sins because they are covered. In Christ, our sins are absolutely and completely covered. 

Of course, this does not mean we pretend the conflict never happened. In this way, covering looks like forgiveness. When we see a person we were in conflict with, do we still see what they owe us? Do we look at them and only see the cause of the conflict that still festers in our minds? A relationship is truly repaired when we see them and not their offense. Covering is love saying, “I’ll pay the cost.” It absorbs the pain, the hurt, and the debt caused by the conflict. 

The wisdom we read in the Proverbs derives from God’s character displayed in redemptive history. The entire Bible describes how God repaired our broken relationship with Him. God handled our offenses by covering at a great cost to Himself. This is the wisdom embodied in Jesus Christ, our Savior, who reconciled the world to Himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. When we read the Proverbs, we are reading the wisdom of God for us, and it is for us in a way that we can use to bring repair to even our most difficult relationships.  

Reflect or Discuss

1. What about this sermon most impacted you or left you with questions?

2. Can you describe some examples that illustrate the difference between regular maintenance and large repairs in your everyday relationships? 

3. What elements of God’s perspective on conflict resonate with you? How can we come to see conflict as an opportunity? How is this most difficult for you?

4. How are you more tempted to conceal your part in a conflict that caused pain or someone else’s part that left you in pain? 

5. What does it look like to show honesty and gentleness in confronting someone who has hurt us? 

6. Have you recently engaged in a conflict you were not interested in repairing? Why is this so enticing? Was it worth the time an energy you put into it?

7. When is it acceptable to overlook an offense? Have you ever overlooked a grave offense toward you?

8. Can you remember a time that you intentionally stirred up a conflict? What were your motives at the time?

9. How can we find the strength to cover an offense? How does covering relate to love and forgiveness?

10. What does God’s willingness to cover your sins and repair our relationship with Him through Christ impact you personally? How should it influence the way you treat other relationships you have?

Click here to download the full pdf version.

Click here to watch the sermon on YouTube.

Get Wisdom (September 19, 2021)

Proverbs 4:5-19

Introduction: We have more access to information and knowledge than ever before, but we are still so confused, conflicted, and divided. What must we do? The book of Proverbs teaches us that wisdom is the missing piece of the puzzle, the lost treasure of our time. We must rediscover it, ourselves and as a church, if we are to stand firm in a world drowning in information but lacking in wisdom. This Fall, let’s come together to “get wisdom” and allow it to reorient our lives, our families, and our communities.  

What is Wisdom? | Wisdom is more than just knowledge. We can all think of people who are knowledgeable but not  wise. Wisdom is related to it but clearly something more. We can define wisdom as the masterful skill of applying  knowledge and understanding to everyday life in all of its fluctuating circumstances. It cannot be acquired hastily as if  cramming for a test, or in a vacuum as if studying it in a laboratory. It is not indifferent to the particular details in our  lives as if it were a uniform standard that everyone can apply in the same way. The bible tells us it takes time, skill,  character, prayer and community to develop. 

The challenges of our time require wisdom. As we deal with the pandemic and all the associated questions it has raised; our deep political divides; cultural conflicts over race, justice, gender, and sexuality and how all these things have created divisions in the church… what can we get that will help?! Proverbs tells us there’s an answer - wisdom.

1. Why we need to get Wisdom 

We could quickly address this “why” question by pointing to the text. God tells us to “get wisdom,” (five times!) so  that’s the end of it. Not so fast. If we zoom out, we see that Proverbs is trying to tell us not only that we should  prioritize wisdom because God tells us to, but because wisdom has priority by its very nature. How can this be? One reason is embedded in Proverbs 4:7 - “The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get  insight.” In English, it sounds redundant, but in Hebrew, the meaning is made more explicit by considering the force of  the second couplet. The starting point of getting wisdom is realizing that getting wisdom is the starting point. 

Another reason wisdom has priority is that wisdom describes the way God works in reality. In this way, it is the very  fabric of creation. Consider the use of “beginning” in Proverbs 8:22-23: “The Lord possessed me at the beginning of his  work, the first of his acts of old. Ages ago I was set up, at the first, before the beginning of the earth.” Wisdom holds a  place of priority because it was with God at the beginning before the earth. This priority has a profound impact upon  us because if wisdom is related to God from the beginning, and we are trying to get wisdom, then getting after wisdom  is really about getting after God. To live wisely is to live “with the grain of life” as designed by God in a way that gives  Him priority and primacy in everything. 

2. What happens if we don’t get Wisdom 

It is important to understand why we need to get wisdom, but we ought not to think this is a “when I get around to it”  sort of thing. Why? Because we don’t have time to think in this way. Our passage in Prov 4:10-19 is also meant to show  us the urgency of getting wisdom. In these verses, a father speaks to his son about life in the form of a journey of two  paths. One is the path of wisdom, and the other is the path of the wicked. The father commends the path of wisdom as  one full of life and righteousness “like the dawn of day” (4:18). The path of the wicked is the opposite, like “deep  darkness, they don’t even know over what they stumble” (4:19). Do you see where this is going? 

According to Proverbs, you are on one of these paths right now. If that isn’t challenging enough, consider that the longer  we walk on either one of them, the harder it is to move back to the other. It is not always easy to walk in wisdom, but it 

gets better with time and experience. Life becomes more clear to us, and it becomes more difficult to leave the path.  But the same is true if we walk on the opposite path. Going too far in the dark is a recipe for disaster. If we don’t get  wisdom our path leads to darkness and death. Proverbs is saying, how long will we hit the snooze button before you  realize it’s too late? The time to make a decisive choice is now. Ray Ortlund captures the application of Proverbs 4 well:  “Whichever you choose, it will cost you all you have. To get wisdom you have to give up everything. To not choose  wisdom will take everything from you in the end.” 

3. How we get Wisdom 

Ok, good. You’re awake now and you want to know how we do actually get wisdom. Proverbs establishes our starting point:“the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom” (9:10). Certainly, this does not mean that we live hiding under our blankets, but that we live in reverential awe of our great, holy, and righteous God. He does not exist to conform to us, but us to Him. We must bring this kind of respect for God into every part of our thinking, being and doing. Indeed, this kind of fear gives us the best first step on the path of wisdom, but many miss how Proverbs shows us that it is love that prompts us to choose wisdom and continue forward. Proverbs 4:6-9 motivates us with the language of love - “Do not forsake her, love her and she will guard you” (4:6). We can only get wisdom and keep hold of wisdom by seeing “her” beauty and becoming besotted by her and the life of beauty and grace that is given to the one who embraces her.

So, fear and love together guide us on the path of wisdom… and that path leads us straight to Jesus. Paul reminds us that “In him [Jesus] are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge” (Col 2:3). In Jesus, we see how the God we must respect and revere is also the God who loves us despite our tendency to wander into the way of wickedness. He will give us wisdom because he wants to restore us to the beautiful lives he created us to live. Jesus gave everything to give us back this life. He tells us to give up anything that keeps us from getting it. In his wisdom God made a way for us. In Christ, he has straightened our path, and by His Spirit, he invites us to learn to walk in wisdom. This is good news!

REFLECT OR DISCUSS 

1. What about this sermon most impacted you or left you with questions? 

2. How would you define wisdom to others? What patterns do you notice between your response and other  responses? What is unique about biblical descriptions of wisdom? In what ways is it different from  knowledge? 

3. What stands out to you about how wisdom is described in Proverbs 8:22ff? Are you encouraged, concerned, or  confused in any way about its relation to God?  

4. Consider Ray Ortlund’s quote about wisdom: “Whichever you choose it will cost you all you have. To get  wisdom you have to give up everything. To not choose wisdom will take everything from you in the end.” What does this have to say about the urgency of wisdom? Does it resonate with you? for our times? 

5. James 3:13-18 shows us the two paths in practice (the path of wisdom and the path of the wicked). James says  a life off of the path of God’s wisdom is characterized by “envy and selfish ambition”. In other words, when you  are off the path of God’s wisdom you are not content with the life you have (envy) and you spend most of your  energy on trying to get the life you want for yourself (selfish ambition). In contrast, getting wisdom is  characterized by contentment, peace, authenticity and gentleness.  

6. Where do you most need to get this “wisdom” from above in your life?  

7. What are some ways you hit the “snooze” button on things that are good for you? What are the “splinters” you  have right now for living against the grain of God’s good design for life? What would it look like for you to stop  hitting snooze? 

8. What do you think the “fear of the Lord” looks like? How do you know when you have it? when you don’t? How  is it recovered when we lose it? How is it the most rational and logical reason to get wisdom? 

9. If the life of wisdom has been most completely lived out in the life of Jesus, how does that motivate you not  just to know wisdom is good for you but to be drawn in by the irresistible beauty of wisdom?

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Forgetting and Remembering (May 16, 2021)

Matthew 15:29-39

Introduction | As we look at Matthew chapters 13-20, we see that during this time of his ministry, Jesus begins to clearly reveal more of who he is and what he came to do. As he does this, his disciples, the crowds, the religious leaders, and bible scholars of his time all misinterpret and him! How? Why? The answer is that they (and we) all saw Jesus through the filter of their expectations, agendas, and ideologies. The goal of this series is that we would each set aside our filters to see Jesus as He really is – in all his fulness.  

1. The Purpose of Repeating 

The story of this passage deals with something we have seen before. Jesus feeds 4,000 people in this passage. This is remarkably similar to the feeding of the 5,000 a few chapters before! As we read a story that seems like a repeat, it’s  natural for us to ask, “Why did this happen twice, and why does Matthew want us to know that it happened twice?” The  answer is the same for why we repeat things. We want people to remember things that are important to us and that  we believe are important for them (and that they seem to always forget!). Here’s the point: There are truths in these two stories that God wants us to remember. He wants them to get in deep, to be like second nature to us, to get them  into our spiritual muscle memory. When God repeats something, He wants us to pay close attention. 

2. The Problem of Forgetting 

When reading this story, we can’t help but ask, “How could the disciples possibly forget the prior miracle in which  Jesus fed 5,000 people (!) before their very eyes?” They encounter almost the exact same situation and ask in verse 33,  “Where could we get enough bread in this desolate place to feed such a crowd?” The issue was not their intelligence or  dulness but their forgetfulness. The humbling challenge of this text is to consider how this happens to us all the time.  John Calvin says of this passage, “There is not a day on which a similar indifference does not steal upon us; and we  ought to be the more careful not to allow our minds to be drawn away from the contemplation of divine benefits.”  

The Bible teaches that one of the main sources of our discouragement, disconnection, cynicism, fear, and anxiety is the problem of forgetfulness. The Old Testament is helpful here. Consider Deuteronomy 4:9, “Only be on your guard and diligently watch yourselves, so that you don’t forget the things your eyes have seen…” or Deuteronomy 6:12, “be careful not to forget the Lord who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the place of slavery.” It is clear throughout the bible that we all suffer from spiritual amnesia. Both Scripture and experience teach us that we all so easily forget God. When things are good, we think, I’m good! I don’t really need God. When things are hard, we forget how God has faithfully provided in the past. We forget how God has provided for our needs. It is forgetfulness that leads to both spiritual drift (in good times) and spiritual discouragement (in hard times).

3. The Power of Remembering 

But Jesus is a gracious teacher, even in our times of forgetfulness. When the disciples were again worried about having  enough bread in 16:9-10, Jesus says: “Don’t you understand yet? Don’t you remember the five loaves for the five  thousand and how many baskets you collected? Or the seven loaves for the four thousand and how many large baskets  you collected?” Jesus points the disciples and us to the purpose of a repeated miracle to help us remember who he is. Many of us are caught up in learning new information about God or having fresh experiences of God. Perhaps now is the  time to realize that remembering is just as important - if not more -than acquiring new information. The Greek word for  “remember” in this passage is in the present tense and stresses a need for sustained activity. It means spending time  and effort bringing something to the forefront of your mind and heart rather than just passively recalling something.  

This passage certainly calls attention, in general, to the power of remembering but more importantly these stories are  about remembering specific truths about Jesus. Here is what God wants us to get deep into us, to become second  nature, in our spiritual muscle memory:

1. Jesus works where we least expect him to – Jesus busted everyone’s categories. He fed a Gentile crowd  (the 4000) just like he fed a Jewish crowd (5000). He provided a feast for pagan Gentiles in a desolate  place, ie the least likely place you’d expect God to work. Here’s the lesson - There is no god-forsaken place  or situation beyond the power of Jesus Christ. We need to remember this. When we are tempted to write people off, when see a situation that seems hopeless to us, when we think things are too far gone. We need  to remember - Jesus works where we least expect Him to. 

2. Jesus will provide when it seems impossible to us – Jesus not only works exactly where we would least  expect Him too, He also provides when it seems impossible to us. When we look at our present or ahead to  our future with worry and anxiety wondering how we’ll make it. When we are filled with doubt because  we can’t see how things will work out. We need to remember – Jesus will provide when it seems  impossible to us. The feeding miracles are stories of provision. Wherever Jesus leads, he will provide what  we need.  

3. Jesus takes what is not enough and turns it into more than enough – In both stories, Jesus intentionally  caused his disciples to see/feel their inadequacy. What they had was not enough. Is this not something we  all struggle with? Do you ever feel as if you are not enough? In both stories of feeding thousands of people,  Jesus wanted his disciples to realize that what they had was enough because of Him. It was more than enough - “everyone ate and was satisfied (14:20).” When we bring what we have to Jesus, he takes what is  not enough and turns it into more than enough.  

4. Lastly, even when we forget Jesus, he will never forget us - This is the Gospel. When the disciples had forgotten what Jesus had done and what it meant for them, he didn’t berate or disown them. He patiently reminded them of what they had forget. Isaiah 49:15 says, “Can a woman forget her nursing child, or lack compassion for the child of her womb? Even if these forget, yet I will not forget you. Look, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands”. In Jesus, the metaphorical hands of Isaiah have become the literal scarred hands of the Son of God. If Jesus gave Himself for us, if the evidence of his love and compassion is eternally imprinted on his hands, how will He ever forget us? Let’s never forget this.
   

REFLECT OR DISCUSS 

1. What about this sermon most impacted you or left you with questions? 

2. What are the important similarities or differences that stuck out to you between the feeding of the 5,000 and  the feeding of the 4,000? 

3. What is the importance of repetition in Scripture? Why do you think God repeats things? Has there ever been  a time in your life in which you felt that God repeated something for you in order for you to learn from it? 

4. Do you agree that one of our greatest problems is the problem of forgetfulness? Why do we forget important  and significant things God has taught/shown us? How does this show up in your life? In what ways has the  problem of forgetfulness impacted you recently? 

5. One of the main themes in Psalm 119 (the longest Psalm in the Bible) is the concept of meditation. Six times in  the Psalm he says “I will not forget” or “I do not forget” (v16, 61, 83, 93, 109, 141, 176). As a group look at these  verses - what situations does this tell us remembering is important?  

6. What are some practical ways that you remember God? How do some of our core spiritual disciplines help us  remember (weekly worship, scripture, prayer, singing, others?) 

7. Of the 4 specific repeated lessons mentioned above – which do you most need to remember right now? Why?  

8. Read Isaiah 49;15. What does it mean that God promises to never forget us? How would your life be different if  you never forgot that this was true?

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